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About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member Madeline ClericoFemale/United States Group :iconcontortionclub: ContortionClub
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The Best Couch Ever by SparklinBurgndy
The Best Couch Ever
When we were putting up the new barn, Toki decided to show his approval by taking a nap inside of it.  Most horses will not remain lying down if someone approaches them - it's that 'fight or flight' instinct.  Toki not only stays down, but doesn't care if you sit or lay on him.  It must be a draft horse thing.

This first time I sat on him just to be funny, but he was so warm every time I was walking by, I'd lay across his back to soak up some heat.  I interrupted his nap often enough that he finally showed some irritation - he'd start sighing when I laid on him. XD

Toki is the best couch ever!
“All right, I found something,” Sebastian Pettigrew announced, peering at his phone.

“Oh God . . .” Flynn Archer groaned, clutching his stomach.  “This is going to give me an ulcer.”

The two actors were absolute show-stoppers; tall, handsome and elegant with fine features and impeccable British accents.  They were both considered international sex symbols. They were decorated thespians, stars of stage and screen.  They were in a spot of bother.

Flynn and Sebastian had been friends since college, costars in various plays and movies, and were even neighbors in rural England.  What very few people realized was that they were also lovers.  They kept it secret for career-related reasons at first, then personal reasons.  There were family and friend issues to think of, not to mention public shame.  Though that was getting to be less of a problem these days.

Perhaps that was why they had snuck away from their current movie shoot to spend quality time with each other.  For safety’s sake, they were restricted to kissing, but it was very involved kissing.  Sebastian had thought the broken down outbuilding was safe from prying eyes, but when he came up for air, there was a small woman standing by the door, her eyes wide.  

By the way she had her hands on the waistband of her breeches, she was intent on doing some private adjustments, but had satisfied herself with taking in the sight of two of the world’s most beautiful men grazing on each other’s lips.

When Sebastian and Flynn – still wrapped in each other’s arms – returned her shocked look, she held up her hands in supplication and backed out.

The two actors remained frozen for a minute, then exchanged panicked looks.  

“We have to catch her!” Sebastian blurted.

“And say what? We were just practicing a play?!”

“That might actually be true for us! Just - something! She’s probably already planning the press announcement!

He rushed out into the controlled chaos of the shoot, desperately seeking a blonde head of French braided hair.  He hadn’t gone too far when he realized he was alone.  The instinct to ‘wait a few minutes before you follow me’ was ingrained pretty deeply in both of them.  Never mind, his better half would catch up.  True enough, after about five minutes of searching for the mystery woman, Flynn appeared at his elbow.

“Have you found her?”

“No. . .”

“She had on breeches – a caretaker for the horses?” Flynn deducted.

Sebastian groaned.  An actress might have been persuaded to hold her tongue for the promise of work and rubbing shoulders with A-listers.  An animal trainer could retire on this scandal.

A quick ask around revealed the horse trainers had just packed up to shoot a chase at an orchard a few miles away.  There was little they could do without arousing suspicion.  Flynn and Sebastian went back to work with little more than a name to go on.

Marian Underhill.

Sebastian found her Twitter account and was currently searching for world-shattering news of their relationship.  Flynn peered over his shoulder.

“What did she say?”

“’U ever walk in on 2 ppl kissing & they’re just so in love? Like the world could disappear? Wish som1 would kiss me like that.”

“That’s all?”

“It appears so.”

“Check the replies.”

“’Awwww’, ‘You’ll find someone’, ‘hugs’, ‘Who did you see kissing?’, ‘Just two guys in the park’, ‘Cute’!”

“She didn’t tell anyone?” Flynn marveled.  “Do you think she’s keeping it for purposes of blackmail?”

“I suppose it’s possible.  Do you know how much longer she’s going to be on set?”

“We wrap up the outdoor scenes in a day or two.”

“Then we need to have a chat as soon as possible,” Sebastian declared.


They found Marian in a local pub after the shoot wrapped up for the night, nursing a white wine and staring wistfully into the distance.

Sebastian headed to a booth in the back.  Flynn approached Marian.

“Would you care to join me for a drink?” He purred in his most seductive tone.  Fangirls the world over swooned.

“Oh hello.  I wondered when one of you would show up,” Marian said, sipping her wine.

“Yes . . . well . . . I don’t suppose you’d join me in a booth?  Another glass of wine for the lady!” Flynn declared.  She was American, he noted.  

“This – this really isn’t necessary,” Marian stammered.  “I mean, I’ll take the wine, but –“

She trailed off as Flynn picked up the new glass of wine and steered her gently to a booth at the back of the pub.  The small woman slid into the booth.  Sebastian was already seated.  Flynn placed the new glass of wine next to Marian and sat next to his lover.

“Now then—“

“I’m not going to tell anyone.”

Both men blinked.  

“You could make quite a bit of money off of –“ Sebastian started.

“Yeah, but it’s nobody’s business,” Marian said, draining her first glass.

“ . . . . you really don’t care about the money?” Flynn asked.

“Money doesn’t make you happy.  Besides, how could I take money for destroying someone else’s happiness?”  

Flynn and Sebastian exchanged a look.

“I do kind of wonder, though . . . why are you keeping it a secret in the first place?  I guess that’s none of my business, either.”

“We . . . have our reasons,” Flynn muttered, exchanging another look with Sebastian.  This was not going as planned.  It was going well, no doubt, but just not as planned.

“I know Hollywood likes to perpetuate the liberal, free-wheeling actor as normal, but well, we’re very traditional,” Sebastian said.

“You guys are so sweet, though!  So in love and it’s just obvious—“ Marian held up her second glass, now empty and waggled it to catch the attention of the waitress.  She nodded and returned a few minutes later with another glass of wine.

“I . . . I suppose we could tell you if we wanted—“  Flynn began.

“Family bullshit, right?”

“Among others,” Sebastian muttered, taking a sip of his beer.

“Yeah, I hear that.  Anything outside of perfect heteronormative relationships and you might as well eat babies.”  Marian started in on her third glass of wine.

Sebastian and Flynn exchanged a look.  Flynn started to smile.  Sebastian rolled his eyes.  Mr. Archer gestured for the waitress and pointed to Marian.

“Just bring a bottle of whatever she’s drinking.”

“Are you gay, Miss Underhill?”

“If only,” Marian muttered.  “That would be less complicated.”

“But, you do have someone,” Sebastian pushed, forgetting the wistful tone of the Tweet.

“No, I – I don’t have anyone,” she sighed.

“But you are attracted to men?” Flynn asked.  

“Oh yes.”

The waitress came back with a bottle of wine.  Sebastian sighed roughly as his lover topped up Marian’s glass.  He knew where this was going and it was going to be a disaster, as always.

“I don’t suppose you would be interested in – well, playing a beard?” Flynn suggested.

“A beard? Oh . . . you mean being a fake girlfriend so no one knows that you’re gay?”

“I am actually bisexual,” Flynn informed her.

Marian took a long slug of wine.

“Still a unicorn,” she muttered, slumping back against the bench.

“A unicorn?” Sebastian echoed.

Marian drained her glass, starting to look a bit inebriated.

“There’s this thing in polyamory circles called ‘unicorn hunting.’  That’s when a couple – usually a straight guy and a bisexual woman – find a third for their relationship.  Well, they say relationship, but they’re looking for a bisexual woman with no issues or feelings or desires or needs of her own, who’s always up for sex.  In other words –“

“A creature that doesn’t exist,” Sebastian supplied.

“What does that have to do with the current situation?” Flynn asked.  “I’m not asking for any sort of sexual –“

“You’re still assuming she’s okay with being used to hide your real relationship.”

“I was only asking,” Flynn said, shame-faced.  

“Wait . . . polyamory? Isn’t that . . . ?” Sebastian began.

“Being in love with more than one person at a time,” Marian confirmed.  She drained her glass.  “Ridiculous, I know.  I can’t even find one person to love, much less two.”

Hot, awkward silence flooded the booth.

“Uh-oh, we’re at the weepy, emotional stage of drunk,” she warned the two men.  “Lessee if we can’t slide through it to the ‘forgot why I’m drinking’ stage.”

Flynn carefully slid the bottle out of her reach.

“You certainly can pick them, Flynn,” Sebastian said in admiration.

“What?!” Flynn snapped.  “She’s lonely!  Of course she’s sad!”

“And what about Jennifer?”

“Jennifer actually cared for me.  She was upset that I cut things off at your insistence, luv,” the blond growled.


“Bloody figured it out because she wasn’t an idiot, and dumped me.”

Marian stretched across the table and retrieved her wine bottle, whereupon she poured another glass.

“And this one—“ Sebastian began.

“We could come out!” Flynn snapped.  “How about that?!”

The blond snatched up his dark-haired lover’s hand.  Sebastian hastily extracted himself from the grip, checking to see if anyone had seen them.

“I’ll do it!” the American lady announced, sipping her wine.

Both actors stopped and looked at her.

“What?” Sebastian asked.

“I said I’ll do it!  I’ll be your fake girlfriend for the paparazzi!” Marian announced, pointing at Flynn.

“Ah . . . . really?” Flynn asked, flicking a glance at Sebastian.  “Why?”

“Reason #1: Alcohol,” Marian declared.  “And Reason #2: You guys look like you could use less stress in your lives.”
The Lions and the Unicorn - 1
So this is the first chapter in my new poly romance.  I based it on a dream I had, starring two actual, for reals British actors who really exist.  The names have been changed to protect me.  If you think Marian is kind of a goddamn mess . . . . .yeah, you're right.

*UPDATE* Got the preview working.  Yes, that's a Windstone Unicorn Mother.  She's really responsible for the title of this story and she'll even make an appearance herself.

Yule Cards!

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 9, 2014, 7:46 AM
Yule, Christmas, Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, whatever particular holiday you celebrate half-way through the dark of the year

If you would like a card, send me a PM.  You can ask for a card even if you can't send one back.  They might be late, seeing as how I'm so massively behind on online time, but I will send them out!

Also going to try to get the first chapter of my poly romance up today.  *cross fingers*

Shamrocks CSS

Code by CrimsonReach
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Norwegian Pirate - Two Steps from Hell
  • Reading: Riding SideSaddle the American Way
  • Watching: The Daily Show
  • Playing: With my dolls
  • Eating: Cupcakes
  • Drinking: Redd's Apple Ale

Lots o' Updates

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 5, 2014, 7:38 AM
I have returned! 

I was quite stressed for a while.  In addition to the extra time taken away by dancing, my house is under mass reconstruction; New windows all the way around, plus new siding, plus new insulation, plus a new water pump, plus a new wood stove.

So.  First things first.

I'm not a dancing instructor anymore.

The studio owner kept stringing me along, promising full time by September, no, October, no, December!  I finally told her to put up or shut up and she admitted she didn't have enough business to put me on full time.

The reason I laid down the law was because there was a very real possibility that ADM was going to strike.  I couldn't afford a strike and luckily it didn't happen.  But it was nice to have some spare time again.  Why is it the louder someone proclaims themselves Christian the bigger the liar and cheat they are?

(Apologies to any real Christians out there.)

SPEAKING of faith, my Mom, who I thought was studiously ignoring my religious beliefs, finally asked if I was becoming a Druid.

 . . . 

1) When did 'Druid' become the go-to path for people asking about Paganism?  You'd think it would be Wiccan.

2) I've been Pagan since I was seventeen.  I once sent her an Oestara card featuring a pentagram on a colored egg.  Now she asks if I'm *becoming* Pagan?

It kind of pissed me off, so I blurted out 'I'm not a Druid!'  She meekly stated that Druids were Pagans.  I returned that just like not all Christians were Catholics, not all Pagans were Druids.  That seemed to be end of it, though she did mention that her brother, (my Uncle) had become super-duper-extra-special Christian.  

So .  . . . . . next time we go away to meet them at Dale Hollow, you might want to be -- (significant pause)

Me: Polite?

Mom: Yes!  Polite!

Me: I've been being polite with you for years!

And that seemed to be the end of it.


So . . . . my house is coming together.  My job is stuck in a rut.  I still have my riding.  Sidesaddle is wonderful, and to date I haven't gotten any ill reactions.  Maggie assures me that there are exactly two reactions to riding sidesaddle in a show: 

1) OMG, that's so cool!  We're so glad you came!


2) We don't know what to do with you.  Please go away.

So far I have just received the 'That's so cool!' reaction.  But I want to show Gytha in the Icelandic show at the Kentucky Horse Park next November, but I don't know if they allow side saddle.  It's not on the list of prohibited tack, but it's also not mentioned at all in the handbook.    I guess we'll see.

My old side saddle is back from the saddlery.  It is brought up to date!  Now it has a balance strap and an overgirth and a leaping head and all of those new-fangled safety features that they came up with in the '00s . . . not *these* '00s, but the '1900s' '00s'.  This saddle was probably originally made around the time of the Civil War.  On the one hand, I was leery of cutting up such an important antique so I could sit on it.  On the other hand, I took the 'this is the axe of my ancestors' approach.  

If you're not a Terry Pratchett fan, a dwarf holds out a battle axe and says: This is the axe of my ancestors: . . . occasionally it needs a new handle . . . . and my grandfather melted down the head and recast it . . . . and everyone needs to replace the grip . . . but this is the axe of my ancestors.

I figured she would be happier updated and still riding a horse than sitting on a shelf being a decoration.  So, this is the saddle of my ancestors.

I have a blue million doll pictures to take.  One of these days I will get to them.  I have Clay and finished Phooka and Hearts 4 Hearts girls and LOTR figures . . . . 

Shamrocks CSS

Code by CrimsonReach
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Norwegian Pirate - Two Steps from Hell
  • Reading: Riding SideSaddle the American Way
  • Watching: Futurama
  • Playing: With my dolls
  • Eating: Pizza
  • Drinking: Hot Cider & Brandy

Quick Update

Journal Entry: Sat Nov 29, 2014, 9:25 AM
I know you haven't heard from me in a while.  I've been busy and my internet has been out.  I'm in the local McDonald's using their wifi because I had to submit an article to the Phoenix, the magazine for the American Sidesaddle Association.

The technician is coming tomorrow to fix my wifi.  Hopefully I'll be able to give a better update soon.

Shamrocks CSS

Code by CrimsonReach
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Harder Faster Better Stronger
  • Reading: Riding SideSaddle Across Persia
  • Watching: Sofia the First
  • Playing: With ponies!
  • Eating: Gummi Pigs
  • Drinking: Strawberita

Yule Cards!

Journal Entry: Tue Dec 9, 2014, 7:46 AM
Yule, Christmas, Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, whatever particular holiday you celebrate half-way through the dark of the year

If you would like a card, send me a PM.  You can ask for a card even if you can't send one back.  They might be late, seeing as how I'm so massively behind on online time, but I will send them out!

Also going to try to get the first chapter of my poly romance up today.  *cross fingers*

Shamrocks CSS

Code by CrimsonReach
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Norwegian Pirate - Two Steps from Hell
  • Reading: Riding SideSaddle the American Way
  • Watching: The Daily Show
  • Playing: With my dolls
  • Eating: Cupcakes
  • Drinking: Redd's Apple Ale

Okay, so I had this dream that might make a good story with some tweaking. Problem is, it is very obviously mindless self indulgence. Would you want to read a story that was just fantasy fodder for the author? 

39 deviants said As long as it's *entertaining* mindless self indulgence.
12 deviants said What kind of fantasy are we talking here?
No deviants said No, I see enough fairy tell self insertions as it is.


Add a Comment:
syiramigs Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry I didn't even notice that I didn't watch you omg omg how can I overlooked this LOL thanks for watching me dear Sparky I truly admire your works :lol:
SparklinBurgndy Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL, it's no problem!
LadyMintLeaf Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014   General Artist
Thank you very much for the :+fav:!!:hug:
SparklinBurgndy Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem!  Thanks for the great pic!
Niemar Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi, sorry for bothering with an annoying question~
but I was wondering are you going to finish the Wasted Youth fic? :)
Kavarr-Damian Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Hi and thanks for the +fav of my Loki:happybounce: Hug 
SparklinBurgndy Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi and no problem!
sir-hattington Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fav! :la:
SparklinBurgndy Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the awesome arts!
sir-hattington Featured By Owner May 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh thanks ^^;
Add a Comment: